Just a theory...

Do you wash your hands?

Ever wonder what's to blame when the same belly pain comes around from scarfing down a piece of food left out for days? It's no mystery (in recent history), the culprits for your lack of ease are simply these:

Doesn't take a nut, a gullible idiot, or a zealot to believe. Germs are everywhere; in your eyes, in your hair, from the skies above to a bug's derriere. But are they meant to deceive? Precisely why our brightest minds have come up with the germ theory. For anyone leery, it's clearly up to you to pull out a microscope. Against all hope, it's your task to cope with the facts as they are. Debate all you like, but without a gigantic crack in the dike of accepted science, your defiance isn't likely to tell germ theory to take a hike. This is the weight we attribute to the word. It's absurd to stand in the face of such evidence and become incensed that your defense of empty hypotheses can be dismissed with ease. But do you yield? Behold as the impropriety of our society is duly revealed.

All 4 Dist. 95 candidates back teaching creationism in science classes

Three states promote anti-evolution bills

Lovely, is it not? These legislatures are hot to trot claiming creation's found in nature (it's not) and is a truth our youth should be taught. If I haven't made my point clear, allow me now an open ear:

Evolution is a theory.

Was that too hard to hear? By all means, question the science. Doubt our unhealthy reliance on facts and tests and all the rest that make up a theory's clout. If you can find the proof that science is aloof to some demonstrable evidence of creation, you'll find me devout. I will shout it from a roof. "Hurray!" the Atheist will say. "God is great and no big deal an appeal to reason was made a touch late!" Until that fateful day, am I unreasonable to say you shouldn't teach our young some silly bung made up to fill in our gaps of knowledge? Why not teach the wisdom we preach of the tooth fairy in college? Don't use laws to pause our understanding of the universe. And if I seem harshly terse, I merely ask you heed the gravity of my call.

Of course, gravity is a theory, after all.

Thanks @stevesilberman,@JoshRosenau, @coopmike48, and @timminchin for the inspiration!